I Want To See A Miracle

Ted & I enjoyed a wonderful getaway to Gatlinburg last weekend.  My goal was to find Fall.  Indeed I did!  The leaves were spectacular.  The reds and golds were vibrant and bold.  They seemed to scream, “Relax!  Enjoy my beauty and worship my Creator.”  So I did.  All we did was drive around and take in the beauty of the mountains, the wildlife, the winding roads and the rippling streams.  It was refreshing.

It has been a few weeks now since my grandmother’s death.  My life has been a little out of sync since then.  My plans for this week were to get back on my schedule and resume the activities of my ordinary life.  Monday went as planned until I received a phone call from my Mama that evening.

“The MRI I had done last week for the double vision problem I’ve been having showed a mass in my brain.”

What?  Wait?  That’s not on my list of activities for my ordinary life!  Tuesday was numb.  I went to the Neurosurgeon with Mama and Daddy.  He confirmed the tumor.  It is in the worst possible part of the brain.  Surgery is not an option.  The good news is that it appears to be uncharacteristic of that type of tumor, in that there is no swelling and it doesn’t show signs of malignancy.  The plan of action for now is to observe it.  So we wait.  She will have another MRI next month to see if there are any changes in the tumor.

There is a knot in my stomach that will not go away.  A lump in my throat that swells to the point of choking me at times.  Tears behind my eyeballs that are filled to the rim, but will not flow.

As I was praying this week for a miracle I was reminded of my own words I wrote in my journal on September 24.  “Lord, I want to see a miracle!  I want to live a life of seeing miracles.  I don’t want just a few.  I want miracles to be an everyday part of my everyday life.  I want to see lives changed, people healed, the dead raised, chains broken, budgets met, elections won by the righteous, churches exploding, Christianity made relevant to our culture, Christians becoming real, prayers answered, people saved, REAL LIFE MIRACLES!  I don’t want to just see them, I want to be in on them.” 

How can I have a miracle without first experiencing devastation?  How can I have healing without first having heartbreak?  Oswald Chambers wrote, “Why shouldn’t we experience heartbreak? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God’s purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity.  He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, as if to say, ‘Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.’ If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?”

So while I wait for the miracle of my sweet Mama’s healing I will thank Him for breaking my heart.  Do not give me sympathy.  Oswald goes on to say that the so-called Christian sympathy of others helps us to our deathbed.  Rejoice with me that God is doing a miracle and His purposes are being fulfilled in my life.  Join me in praying for a miracle.  Ask God to stir up your own faith and to do a miracle in your life.  Welcome those things that are not on your list of activities for your ordinary life.  It’s in those places that we will experience true identification and fellowship with Jesus Christ in His blessings, His pain, His sufferings and His miracles.